Threshold of Pen

#9: How Much Pen Can You Take?

I’ve recently engaged in a love affair with cheap, disposable pens. I’ve been going from one supplies store to the next looking for particular brands of plastic pens with the type of obsession I used to reserve for those high-end “writing instruments.”

You see, for more than 15 years already, I’ve been a steady proponent of those expensive engraved pens one couldn’t lose without crying. These were my “special pens” and for a time, I convinced myself that I couldn’t write properly if I wasn’t using a “special” one.

My first special pen came when I was in fifth grade. My seatmate gave me an Inoxcrom for Christmas. I think I gave her a tacky picture frame but at that time, the exchange seemed fair. A few months after, my busmate gave me a Cross ballpen as her “going away” present. Now I don’t know why she gave me a gift since she was the one who was going away. But I wasn’t one to complain. It was a gunmetal gray version of my dad’s gold Cross pen and when my parents saw it, they freaked out. What type of kid would give a Php2,000 pen??? They forced me to return it to her but she refused to take it back. The following week, their family moved to another place and she was gone. I know I was supposed to be sad, but boy, was I happy with my pen.

Throughout high school & college, Parker pens kept me company. They’re not expensive but if you lost one, you basically lost your meal for a day. Or, to be more bleak about it, you lost what a minimum wage earner would have been able to bring home to feed his family of 4 for a day. I ended up losing several of them so that probably caused that “imaginary” family to starve. I have since asked forgiveness for each one of the pens I’ve lost and from each of the members of that family.

My next major pen came after I helped a business partner close a deal with the company I was working for some 3 years ago. As a “thank you" gift, they gave me a massive silver Cross pen that commanded more respect than I actually deserved. It was so elegant and shiny that I think I blinded my boss the first time I whipped it out. He was sightless for at least a week and needed a guide dog to go around the building.

Last year, my silver pen got lost and I couldn’t work for at least a day. Call me a drama queen but the thought of that lovely pen laying on some garbage heap because it accidentally fell into my trash bin tortured me for hours. It was more than a nice pen. It was a symbol of something I was able to achieve early on in my worklife. The thought of losing it for good made me nauseous. I found it after a couple of days. It had fallen out of my bag inside the car and it had been hiding under one of the seats chuckling at my overreaction.

Now that is probably nothing compared to how I would react if I lost the ultimate of all special pens I’ve ever received. This last one made my eyes pop out, requiring some major eye operation immediately after I opened the box. My closest friend gave me a Mont Blanc last Christmas and I couldn’t breathe when I saw it. I have plastic eyeballs now and I walk around with an oxygen tank everytime I carry it but that can’t put a damper on my Mont Blanc mode. The feel of Mont Blanc on one’s fingers evokes feelings of accomplishment (though I haven’t really accomplished much.) It definitively says, “I’ve arrived.” (Although I know that I haven’t and that I’m still a long way off – that is, if ever I “arrive” at all.) Ha.

Then everything came full circle.

I don’t know what exactly led me to revisit cheapo ones the price of fishballs but I found myself not only using them more frequently, but also loving them enough to seek them out for hoarding purposes. I think one of my high-end ones bogged down and I was forced to use one of the ballpen samples out of desperation. It was a Lotus ballpen – plastic all over and worth less than Php5.00. I was actually surprised when it glided gracefully on the surface of my journal. I had expected it to skip and die on me but it wrote so smoothly I practically let out a “wow.” I immediately promoted it from substitute to formal journal pen. The ink ran out the other day but I can testify that it was good to the last drop.

Then there’s also that gray Papermate with grip-handles they gave out during one of the trainings. Discovering that this particular pen writes so well sent me on a mad hunt for packs and packs of them. Well, my Papermate Mission failed but I was able to bring back a Php17.50 Faber-Castell one that wrote like a charm. It has become my default pen, easing out the huge silver Cross one that I’ve been using for the past 3 years - a development that actually reduces my risk of having a heart attack over losing such a valuable item.

And that’s when I had to admit the simple fact that when everything has been set on paper, no one really knows if it’s a Cross or a Mont blanc or a Php5.00 Lotus pen that wrote it. All that is evident is the substance of what has been written – which is more a reflection on the writer than on the pen that was used. The prettiest of pens will, in no way, be able to add depth to a poseur. A person of substance, however, will be able to effortlessly increase the worth of whatever it is he or she holds – be it an irreplaceable Mont Blanc or a cheesy Bic ballpen.

Grab your own cheap pen now!!!